


With You, I'm Never Stuck

by CongressIsAliens



Category: Phineas and Ferb, Phineas and Ferb the Movie: Candace Against the Universe
Genre: CATU spoilers, Confessions, First Kiss, Human Perry the Platypus (Phineas and Ferb), M/M, Missing Scene, Mutual Pining, Spoilers, Vanessa is a bro
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:15:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26162491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CongressIsAliens/pseuds/CongressIsAliens
Summary: What do you do when you're stranded on a different planet?Admit your feelings for your nemesis, of course.-Spoilers for Candace Against the Universe ahead!-
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz/Perry the Platypus
Comments: 14
Kudos: 157





	With You, I'm Never Stuck

**Author's Note:**

> ok so CATU was so good! ~~new crack ship: buford x canoe~~
> 
> but there wasn't nearly enough perryshmirtz so I wrote in my own in like four hours.

"Wonder what's going on back home?" Heinz asks. 

Perry shrugs. He really has no idea what's going on back home. Hopefully the boys are okay. 

They should be fine. They're rather resourceful. 

"I think Roger was going to unveil a new statue of John Trystate today." Heinz muses. "Maybe I'll do something petty about that tomorrow."

_And I'll stop you, just like always._

Heinz sighs. "Just like always. Hey Vanessa, any ideas on how to get home from here?"

Vanessa shrugs. "We could find your spaceship?"

"You mean my galactic-travel-inator?"

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Yeah, that."

"Nah, I don't think I'd be able to find it. Besides, it was kind of leaking green goo."

_I'd prefer that you don't go looking for it, since I don't want to see you fall off a cliff for the third time today._ Even though hearing Heinz call him "his teal-haired guardian angel" was nice, he'd rather not have to worry about Heinz dying. 

"Wait, Dad, you fell off a cliff _twice_ today?"

"It wasn't my fault!" Heinz protests. 

Perry rolls his eyes. _It was his fault._

"Thanks, Perry the _Snitch_ -apus."

Perry grins. _No problem._

Heinz fires the Chicken-Replace-inator at the stick sitting on the ground. In one ray of green light, the stick and the chicken that's wandering around switch places. Another ray, and a random rock switches places with the chicken. 

"You know," Heinz says, "we could always use the Axe-inator..."

"No!" Vanessa yells at the same time Perry signs it. "We are _not_ killing that innocent chicken," Vanessa continues.

"Fine, fine," Heinz says. "We'll keep the chicken around." He zaps another rock, and the chicken swaps places with it. 

Zap. Zap. Zap. How many times can one man -inator a chicken from place to place before he goes mad? 

Perry isn't sure, but Heinz seems like he's trying to find out. 

Even when he's bored out of his mind, Heinz is cute. Maybe not conventionally, but in his own way. 

One hand propping his face up, a bit of hair flopped over one eye that he doesn't bother to push aside. Even his perpetual bad posture is endearing. How could anybody resist him? 

Perry can't help but melt inside a little bit when Heinz looks up, meeting his eyes for a moment that stretches on longer than it probably should. Perry's the first one to break the gaze, feeling his face heat up as he looks down at the ground. A small smile sneaks onto his face as he fiddles with his sleeve.

Vanessa groans, and Perry whips his head up. "Sheesh. You'd think this is a forest with how much _pining_ there is."

_What do you mean?_ Perry asks. 

"What I mean is you two are so _obviously_ sighing over each other. Like, just admit you like each other already."

Heinz sputters. "Vanessa, sweetie, I think you're seeing things. Are you feeling alright?" Perry's heart plummets. Does this mean...

"There's no way he likes me back," Heinz says. "Maybe you should go lie down, you feel warm."

What? Heinz _does_ like him, but he thinks Perry doesn't like him _back_? Does he have _any_ _idea_ how wrong he is?

Apparently not, because he's pointedly looking away. 

(In the background, an OWCA agent with an evil scientist on his back jumps out of a portal, runs fifteen feet, and jumps into another portal.)

Vanessa meets Perry's eyes and smirks.

"You know what, she says, "I think I'm gonna see if anything out there can get us home. You two stay here and talk about your feelings." Vanessa turns and walks off into the mushroom forest, muttering something about "emotionally constipated idiots". 

"Let me guess," Heinz says dejectedly, "you heard what I said and you're trying to think of a way to let me down gently. It's okay." He sighs. "I'm used to it."

_What?_ Perry's jaw drops open, and he shakes his head. _No! I won't do that._

"Well, what are you going to do? And don't say that you actually like me _back_ , because I don't believe you."

_Why would I lie about that? Look at me._ Heinz pointedly looks away, into the mushrooms where Vanessa disappeared. Perry reaches out and punches him in the shoulder- not hard enough to hurt, but to get his attention. _I said look at me._

Heinz looks over. Not quite at Perry, but in the general direction of him, so close enough. 

_I do like you. And no, before you say anything, I'm not lying. I really do like you._

"Hmm. Sure." Heinz rolls his eyes. "Well, if you're not lying, why didn't you say anything earlier?"

_Because I couldn't let my family know that I'm an agent, and you can't know my civilian identity. So I was kind of stuck hiding from both of you._

"No, not today, I mean before that. Yesterday. The day before. Any time."

Perry looks down, his shoulders hunching over a bit. _I was worried, I guess._

"You? Worried? You're Perry the Platypus. I didn't think you _got_ worried."

Well, that's just ridiculous. 

_Most of my previous relationships have crashed and burnt pretty badly, and I don't want this to be the same._ Perry smiles. _I_ _like you,_ _Heinz. And even though I'm terrible with people, I do really want to make this work._

"Are you sure? You actually like me?"

Perry nods. _I do._

"And you're not just leading me on?"

_Trust me. I want this just as much as you do._

"Then, um, are we..." Heinz trails off.

Perry grins. _Boyfriends?_

"Yeah, boyfriends. Are we?"

_If you want to be, then yeah._

"Well, it's a good thing I want to do that." He pauses. "Wait, does OWCA even let you date your nemesis?" 

Perry shrugs. He has no idea. But Monogram is clueless, and Carl can be bribed. _I don't actually know,_ he signs, _but what they don't know can't hurt them._

"I guess that's true." He brightens. "Hey, taking you on a date can be my scheme for tomorrow. Is dating an OWCA agent an evil thing?"

Perry laughs. _Don't know that either. But I'll take you up on that date._

Vanessa jogs out of the mushroom forest, and Perry and Heinz stand up.

"Yo, I figured out a way to get us home!" she calls out. "We just need to change the settings on the chicken-replace-inator so it finds the _furthest_ chicken."

"Man, why didn't I think of that?" Heinz complains. "And the dial is _right here_! I don't even need to do any tinkering."

_Hey, don't beat yourself up over it. At least we get to go home now_ , Perry signs. 

"I guess that's true," Heinz says. 

"By the way, did you guys kiss yet?" Vanessa asks. "Or at least admit your feelings? Because if you haven't, we're not going until you do."

Perry blushes. He hadn't thought about that, but it sounds like a good idea. 

He steps closer to Heinz, grabs onto his wrist, and presses a fast kiss to his lips. 

Heinz squeaks and his entire face turns bright red. Perry grins. If he can make Heinz flustered with just a little kiss, who knows what else he can do? He'll just have to find out later. 

_Now we have,_ he signs. _And yes, we did talk about our feelings, little meddler._

Vanessa rolls her eyes. "Well, somebody needed to intervene. You two just needed a kick in the pants." 

"Yeah, yeah. Can we go now?" Heinz asks, holding up the Chicken-Replace-inator. His face has returned to its normal color, so Perry decides to lean up and kiss him again. 

Vanessa groans. "Oh god, what have I done?"

**Author's Note:**

> whoops how did a perryverse reference get in here?
> 
> Comments and kudos always appreciated!


End file.
